Answers to your questions about dating at 50+
"Isn't age just a number?"
Why do so many people look down on you if you are dating a younger man? I am dating a man 24 years younger than me and am having the time of my life. Isn't age just a number? -- Janet A., 52, Fuquay-Varina, N.C.
Janet, forget about what others say. It's your life and your happiness. That said; proceed cautiously. A 24-year age difference is significant. You should ask yourself, "Why is he interested in me?" In eight more years, when you are 60 and he's 36, will he feel the same about you or trade you in for a younger woman? Because so many women have asked similar questions about dating younger men, I wrote an electronic book entitled, "Dating the Age Gap. Older vs. Younger. Can It Work?" You might want to read it. It's available on my blog, blog.loveawake.com.
Economically impaired?
I am very good looking. My problem is the economy. I lost a great job and am now making ends meet and have little time to date. I also think that men will not want a woman who is just getting by they want that successful rich woman. Especially here in Dallas with all the rich, pretty girls. What should I do? -- Isabel D., 50, Dallas
Isabel, get your personal priorities in order first. You need to focus on getting employment and back on your feet financially. Let dating take a lower priority for now. Not all Dallas men want nor can they have rich, pretty girls. Besides, since you say you're very good looking, all you have to worry about is improving the money side of the pretty and rich combination. Once you get back on your feet, then focus on dating but seek men who are looking for more important qualities besides than money and beauty, like character and values.
Date and dash?
An old boyfriend looked me up after being apart for 7-1/2 years. We dated. He helped around my house and indicated we were dating again. He later became distant, wouldn't call, etc. Any clue why he looked me up at all? -- Sandy B., 55, Rio Rancho, N.M.
Sandy, he was probably lonely and thought that perhaps the reasons you two had originally split up might have changed. So, he wanted to check it out. However, he likely found that people don't change and the same reasons for the first breakup still exist. So he withdrew.
What's right to write?
What is the socially acceptable way to reply to an email from someone I just don't find attractive, and don't wish to have any contact with? I don't mean to sound shallow, but many of the women in my age group are homely looking or overweight, etc. How to handle this without sounding rude or arrogant? -- Bob D., 53, Pittsford, N.Y.
Bob, it's too bad there aren't more people like you using the Internet, people considerate enough to want to know what is socially acceptable. Many people simply elect not to respond. Treat others as you'd like to be treated by responding. There's no need to get into specifics, just say, "Thank you, I'm not interested." The person on the other end of the email is a human being just like you and has feelings. Be respectful of them.
How can I find a good relationship?
How can I define myself best to myself, so that I am not sending mixed signals to someone else? I have tried online psyche tests, reading books, listening/watching talk shows about relationships, asking people I know well to tell me what it is about me they like/dislike. I find my relationships unsatisfying at this point. I am 55 and not getting any younger. I would seriously like to find some people on my same wavelength and not find relationships so stressful or so unsatisfying after I start to get to know someone. -- Elysa D., 55, Vernal, Utah
Elysa, there's an easy solution to your dilemma right here on Yahoo! Personals. I suggest you take the Loveawake Relationship Test to help you sort out your relationship needs and readiness. Let the professionals help you, that's the business they're in. More than anything else, by doing that, you'll improve your chances to meet a man right for you.
The Third (or Fifth or Seventh) Wheel
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As a single you're bound to feel like the "third wheel" on more than one occasion.
Here are a few tips from Loveawake dating site columnist Angela Steel on how to approach dining out amongst couples with grace. |
As a single girl, I have been there many times: you are invited to dinner with friends and it turns into being a remake of Bridget Jones’s Diary: “lots of smug married couples”.
While I would be quick to shoot a devilish glance at the gal pal that invited you to the seemingly couples-only dinner, I’ve learned to navigate this situation with some ease.
Here is where I love the concept of tapas restaurants. In brief, tapas are small bites and are found at many Italian or Spanish-style restaurants. The food offers variety, the ability to try new foods and reinforces the concept of sharing (something we sometimes forget about in our consummately single lives). I have also found that since you are passing plates around and sampling, the focus of the conversation tends to lean more towards a foodie chat than having a “So, why aren’t you dating someone?” slant. For me, this helps me [the singleton] feel more at ease and less on display.
If tapas are not an option due to your geographic location, pizza is always a close second. Personally, when I’m the third, fifth or heaven help-seventh- wheel in a “group night out,” I try to be the one to pick the restaurant.
Sometimes, the unavoidable happens and the questions come despite your best intentions to dodge the bullets. While I am constantly asked by friends (who are married) and coworkers (who are, too, married) about my dating life and why I am still single, I have learned to be steadfast and confident in myself and my decision to be single (even if I am actively looking to date or for a relationship).
This way, I reap the personal satisfaction of watching their bullets ricochet.
My Best Friend's Wedding
When it comes to personal memorabilia, I am a pack rat. My collection of memories resides in three homes in two cities, and extends as far back as the long notes exchanged between friends in high school to letters that were sent from camp during summers I spent up in the Canadian Laurentian Mountains.
Places have faded from my life as some friends have moved on or away, or resurfaced and then disappeared for a while. But as far as friendships are concerned, one has made it into and through more than twenty years of photographs and memories.
When we first met, "Jason" was a clutzy, too-afraid-to-talk-to-girls, fourteen year old when he took to me, a pudgy and rambunctious seventh grader.
Quickly and more gracefully than any of the anxiety riddled teens that surrounded, we made it through the first set of awkward phone conversations and established the sort of kinship that a brother and sister would know best. From front row seats, we watched out for one another as we passed through high school, then college and as young adults claiming stakes in our careers and in relationships in the city we both left home to conquer.
For four years, up until my most recent move, luck had us sharing the same block. The check-ins became more frequent; dinner, brunch or a movie became a bi-weekly event. It was effortless, comfortable and safe just knowing that a friend I considered family lived right up the street.
It dawned on me today that our time now has come to a halt. There were no harsh words spoken nor did any intentional acts of malice occur. Last night, for the first time ever, I was assigned a seat in the stands. In all my life I never thought it possible but perhaps that is what happens, or in this case has to happen, to a woman when her best man takes a bride.
Chemistry: In Search of a Cosmic Connection?
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You met someone new. Better than perfect on paper, this person is perfect for you. And then the inexplicable happens, like an out of the ordinary intervention, as if your brain’s been hijacked and your body, no matter how hard you try, does not feel any butterflies or sparks. |
Chemistry - it’s either there or it isn’t. That’s what many of us would like to believe but several new studies prove that the laws of attractions are not all black and white.
Match.com has just released results from an in depth survey they conducted of 5,199 single adults. No surprise that the majority of men (54%) have experienced love at first site – men are visual creatures which explains why chemistry often happens for them without any sort of intimate connection. But the good news for everyone is that chemistry can also happen over time. According to the survey, 71% fell in love with someone they did not initially find attractive after having great conversations or shared interests or both; 35% fell in love with someone even though they felt no sparks initially.
Apparently a little smooching can also help stir things up, at least according to Sheril Kirshenbaum’s new book The Science of Kissing: What Our Lips Are Telling Us." Kirshenbaum’s research proves that kissing can be what causes that jittery high you feel about someone as it causes neurotransmitters like dopamine (involved in craving and desire) and serotonin (a mood booster that can spark obsessive thoughts) to be released. And the release of the “love hormone” oxytocin, which also is transmitted when two tongues twist, may explain how and why chemistry develops for some people over time.
But is also may require some cognitive rewiring. Research shows that our heads are hard wired to enjoy things sexually and erotically depending on what we see, learn and experience throughout our lives. If you’re on the fence or in doubt, it’s all the more reason to give someone new more than one shot at stirring up some chemistry with you.
How to Seduce Ladies ‘ The Way It’s Done By The Naturals
The mystery of how to seduce women is 1 that remains a mystery to large numbers of males throughout their lives. Others seem to have an inborn understanding of what is involved in this ancient art.
It definitely has absolutely nothing to complete with looks. Some with the most famous lovers of all time had been absolutely nothing to appear at. The (in)famous Giacomo Casanova, or merely Casanova as most of us know him, was no exception. He was definitely not one of the most handsome man alive ‘ however in his memoirs he wrote about sexual experiences with no less than 133 women. And he mentions that he left out quite a few high profile ones whom he didn’t want to embarrass.
Numerous experienced lovers will tell you it’s a question of numbers. Just maintain on trying. If you’re prosperous in 10 percent of your attempts, you merely need to approach a little more than a thousand ladies to turn out to be the following Casanova. Obviously you should pace yourself. It definitely won’t work to try that in 1 night!
There’s more truth to this than meets the eye. The dread of rejection is one with the biggest reasons why males aren’t successful in seducing ladies. They either are as well scared to approach the girl whatsoever, or they do talk to her, but are too shy to show sexual interest.
Instead they try to act as if they truly just wish to make little talk ‘ frequently boring the girl to tears. By the end of the evening she leaves with someone else who has barely talked to her whatsoever and our hero goes house totally mystified as to what he did wrong.
Don’t be as well scared to act with confidence within the presence with the lady of your dreams. Flirt openly with her. Make your intentions clear. And make her laugh. Girls love it when guys make them laugh. Make eye contact all the time. If she returns eye contact you’re well on your way to seduce her. Or maybe you’re the 1 being seduced…. Does it matter? The art of how to seduce ladies is a double-edged sword right after all….. You can’t seduce without being seduced yourself.
"I don't want to ever get married"...so says Belmondo.
So much for no more drama. Everytime we take steps forward in getting real close the shit hits the fan and I end up with the crap on my face. (figuratively speaking of course).
We'd made plans for me to spend this weekend at his place as I head off to Mexico Wednesday March 1. The plan naturally was to spend some time shagging and dropping off my pet Beta Giles for him to pet sit for the week.
I called him Friday night to see what time I should come over on Saturday after work. He said and he was very tired and did not want to talk. He honestly did sound bad. I even thought maybe he was drunk. He asked me to call him on Saturday mid day to finalize plans. So I did that. He then said he couldn't talk which was OK because he was at work. He said he would call me me at 6 which he did.
He then proceeded to tell me he can't see me because his aunt and uncle needs him to take them to some concert with some Croatian singers. They are elderly and have been having issues lately. You see, the wife wants to leave. I know Belmondo is feeling pressured from it....but I did not know how bad till this weekend.
I was annoyed that he waited till the last minute to cancel when he could have called me much earlier during the day. I expressed my annoyance but said it was fine. I told him I can come over on Sunday instead. We chatted a bit about his aunt wanting a divorce.
At some point the conversation went like this:
Bel: I don't want to get married. Ever.
Me: huh huh, I thought you said you were opened to the idea when we first me.
Bel: Well I am just telling you I changed my mind so don't pressure me.
Me: Hmmm, when did I pressure you and when did I propose?
Bel: Well, I just feel pressured that's all.
Me: OK, (I am getting very pissed at this point and my tone is terse) why are we having this conversation? Something is going on so you might as well just tell me the truth.
Bel: I just don't want to get married.
Me: You said that already. Why are we talking about this and why all of a sudden you feel the urgent need to make a point of telling me this?
Bel: I just want you to know.
Me: Usually when a man tells a woman he doesn't want to marry it means he does not want to marry HER. I am old enough to know this to be the truth.
Bel: It's not you you it's me.
Me: OK, what the fuck???!!
If you check my post last post before this one, I mentioned we talked about living together or some such nonsense. He was the one who always complained about me living too far from the city. We had one conversation about where we would live given the fact that he likes the city and I don't. One stinking conversation. ONE. And no where in there did I say, make me your blushing bride. You see, I kind of like my life the way it is. I do as I like, I travel or what ever.
And at this point in my life, the bridal aisle could be lined with the finest diamonds and I would not walk down it. Hell, you couldn't push me in a wheel chair down the damned thing!
Attach a weapon of mass destruction and blow it up for all I care! That is how much I don't care.
Me: so then, do you want to break up. I think we should break up. A man making a point of telling a woman he doesn't want to marry means let's break up. You are giving me a reason to break up. So let's do it.
Bel: I am not letting you go.
Me: err....you don't have me/own me. Not your choice at this point. (by now I feel like someone punched me in the gutt and I am sobbing. Mostly because I felt humiliated)
While I am in no shape or form to be married anytime soon, I still sort of felt rejected. I think if any man who says he doesn't wish to be married meets a woman who blows him off his feet, he'll change his mind.
Anyhow, this is the lates drama...but fuck it, I am off to Mexico for some sand and surf. Belmondo can contemplate what he wants, if anything. One thing I am certain of, I am not interested in the game of 'he wants me, he wants me not'.
And as much as I am attracted to him and liked spending my spare time with him-telling him to get stuffed like a Christmas turkey wont be a problem.
Networking and Sharing Helps Single Parents to Lead Healthy Life
Single Parents
For many, single parenting is a reality that they have to go through. Circumstances and changing social values have made many to be single parents. Most single moms and dads have borne their children when they were very young while others were the outcomes of divorce. A few became single parents because their partners are working abroad. While, other unfortunate ones widowed. Whatever the circumstances that caused the situation, the result is still the same. Most single parents face tough situation in their daily lives due to added responsibility of raising their children and burden of living alone.
Added responsibility
Further, single parents are essentially doing the work that two people should be doing. This is particularly true with those who are raising their children by themselves without getting any support from their partners. This is hard to take both financially and emotionally. Here are some methods that will assist single mothers and fathers to survive single parenting.
Being strong
This is the first part of living healthy and strong instead of being victim to the situation. Accepting the circumstance is simpler for those who have actually chosen to raise their children on their own. Moreover, most have to raise their children without any support from their partners. Many may still receive support however, not living with their partners. Unfortunately, others face tougher situation whose partners have turned their back on them. Indeed, this is much harder to take.
Some will even come to resent the obligation for sometime because they feel tied to a child when their partners are living away. Nonetheless, eventually reality will catch up with them. Once they learn to accept the situation and make the best out of it, they will start to feel the situation becoming easier to deal with.
Get support from others
In raising your child, you need the support of your partner. If they cannot help by being away for extended period on work or do not want to assume responsibility for their kids, do not force the problem. Instead, work on your relationships with your moms and dads, relatives and friends. Moreover, one can get some aid from the community. Many organizations exist to help single mothers and fathers. Some offer free babysitting services or a free of charge playgroup for parents who need to work and have no one to leave their child. Some organizations also provide financial help to single moms and dads.
Network with other single parents
One of the ways to survive being a single parent is to share your knowledge with other single parents and be part of a community. Knowing that there are other mothers and fathers that are also sharing your ordeal make it more convenient for you to cope with it. In addition, meeting other single mothers and fathers is a great way to network and to find support. Some single moms and dads who are just one part of a support group constantly help each other out through babysitting duties or carpools or even tutorial sessions. Actually, just being aware that you have people that you can rely on is reward enough for any single parent.
Obviously, there is no need to suffer from single parenting. Single parental is tough but it does not have to be hard. You only need to recognize how to deal with the situation. Networking and sharing knowledge with other single parents can reduce the burden of single parenting to large extent.
