Chemistry: In Search of a Cosmic Connection?

You met someone new. Better than perfect on paper, this person is perfect for you. And then the inexplicable happens, like an out of the ordinary intervention, as if your brain’s been hijacked and your body, no matter how hard you try, does not feel any butterflies or sparks.

Chemistry - it’s either there or it isn’t.  That’s what many of us would like to believe but several new studies prove that the laws of attractions are not all black and white.

Match.com has just released results from an in depth survey they conducted of 5,199 single adults. No surprise that the majority of men (54%) have experienced love at first site – men are visual creatures which explains why chemistry often happens for them without any sort of intimate connection. But the good news for everyone is that chemistry can also happen over time. According to the survey, 71% fell in love with someone they did not initially find attractive after having great conversations or shared interests or both; 35% fell in love with someone even though they felt no sparks initially.

Apparently a little smooching can also help stir things up, at least according to Sheril Kirshenbaum’s new book The Science of Kissing: What Our Lips Are Telling Us." Kirshenbaum’s research proves that kissing can be what causes that jittery high you feel about someone as it causes neurotransmitters like dopamine (involved in craving and desire) and serotonin (a mood booster that can spark obsessive thoughts) to be released.  And the release of the “love hormone” oxytocin, which also is transmitted when two tongues twist, may explain how and why chemistry develops for some people over time.

But is also may require some cognitive rewiring.  Research shows that our heads are hard wired to enjoy things sexually and erotically depending on what we see, learn and experience throughout our lives. If you’re on the fence or in doubt, it’s all the more reason to give someone new more than one shot at stirring up some chemistry with you.